just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
