I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
