he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i now understand why vodka
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
