remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
