there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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