i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
