4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
