Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
