I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
