She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
