Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
