accomplished twins. life is a go
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
