Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i may or may not be watching the land before time
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
