Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this just has baby written all over it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
