There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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