I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
