I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
