You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
