If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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