Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
