Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
