who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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