Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
