I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
