What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
