At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
