I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
