covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
