you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
