can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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