Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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