taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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