Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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