worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
