If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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