If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
