Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
