I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Randomize
