My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
