i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
