K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
