Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
vagina is talking i cant
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
