two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
