You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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