U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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