In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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