It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
