I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
