turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
