What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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