wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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