what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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