Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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